When i think back to when high school started, i find it hard to believe what has become of me now. I never seem to follow through in what i do. I'm always making mistakes, i never finish anything i've started.
I always seem to cause rivalry between my friends. Why i don't know, and if i do i don't even realize im doing it. Someone close to me lost her mother recently, i don't know how she's feeling on the inside because she's masking her feelings. She thinks i don't know, but i can tell.
I feel like i've made a mistake since finishing school. I don't spend time with my friends anymore. Those i thought were my close friends anyway, even though i've found a new closeness with some of my other friends. I can't help and think about all my friends from my "old" school, those of which i basically didn't talk to since leaving, i promised i'd stay in touch and i never did.
I've not made a strict career or study choice. I'm at tafe now, but im quitting next semester, i can't afford it. Put it plain and simple. Yeah i could possibly afford it if i cut down a bit, but its not like i go out every single day. It's rare i go out. I'm not going out buying myself new clothes, cds, games or stuff like that.
I let my mother live my for me, i let her decide whom i should be friends, i let her decide what subjects i did at school and everything. I never once spoke up to her, i never once told her to let me live my life, let me makes mistakes. I can stand up to her for other people but i cannot seem to do it for myself.
It's getting to the point where i don't want to be me. So i try to shut myself off from the world, i lock myself in my bedroom, and i don't leave it unless im going out, as in away from this house. Everything is getting to a point where i need to leave and be on my own, be on my own have my privacy and be allowed to make my own decisions...but i guess that'd be asking for too much wouldn't it?!
I am really beggining to wish i had entered the house this year, the people are such jerks from what i can tell and i feel i could've started a lot of bitching. I mean come off it, can they not get people who were like the ones in the first season. Like i know you can't replicate it exactly or anything but for gods sake, its the same thing every year....and the show consists of one thing!
I don't know about you but Sex is not everything....Gods sake big brother get REAL people in the show not skinny skanks who want to fuck on screen to get themselves 15 minutes of fame...