When i think back to when high school started, i find it hard to believe what has become of me now. I never seem to follow through in what i do. I'm always making mistakes, i never finish anything i've started.
I always seem to cause rivalry between my friends. Why i don't know, and if i do i don't even realize im doing it. Someone close to me lost her mother recently, i don't know how she's feeling on the inside because she's masking her feelings. She thinks i don't know, but i can tell.
I feel like i've made a mistake since finishing school. I don't spend time with my friends anymore. Those i thought were my close friends anyway, even though i've found a new closeness with some of my other friends. I can't help and think about all my friends from my "old" school, those of which i basically didn't talk to since leaving, i promised i'd stay in touch and i never did.
I've not made a strict career or study choice. I'm at tafe now, but im quitting next semester, i can't afford it. Put it plain and simple. Yeah i could possibly afford it if i cut down a bit, but its not like i go out every single day. It's rare i go out. I'm not going out buying myself new clothes, cds, games or stuff like that.
I let my mother live my for me, i let her decide whom i should be friends, i let her decide what subjects i did at school and everything. I never once spoke up to her, i never once told her to let me live my life, let me makes mistakes. I can stand up to her for other people but i cannot seem to do it for myself.
It's getting to the point where i don't want to be me. So i try to shut myself off from the world, i lock myself in my bedroom, and i don't leave it unless im going out, as in away from this house. Everything is getting to a point where i need to leave and be on my own, be on my own have my privacy and be allowed to make my own decisions...but i guess that'd be asking for too much wouldn't it?!